Resilience & Recovery
I can't quite believe that it is 6 weeks since our lives were turned upside down,
Eight weeks ago we were having an amazing time in America with our IBW family, making plans to venture out for 6 weeks next year and changing Stewarts work life to accommodate our vision of how we want our lives to be. Then wham, the Universe stepped in and said that's not how its going to be!
So where are we currently?
Well we are in a whirlwind of hospital & doctor appointments, form filling, business dissolving, restructuring and, in all honesty disbelief. Some days are really hard and others are full of excitement for the future. would we have chosen this - NO!!! Are we embracing it - YES!!!
We are tackling things face on and prioritising. So, first things first.
Stewart is improving albeit very slowly, his arms are agony and he walks like he is 90 years old. He is on constant pain relief and muscle relaxants whilst we wait for the stroke team to make contact. His short term memory is poor and his ability to deal with things has not yet returned but in moments, he is his usual self which brings us great hope for the future. This week he had a brain scan to see how the bleed is and we have had an appointment through to have the filter in his groin removed. A scan on his blood clots will then follow. His sleep is still troublesome but he is sleeping so that is a result. For someone to have never taken medication to now having a mini pharmacy has been an eye opener for him. It is bizarre that someone can look the same yet be different.
Before we left for America we had started to change the interior of Salvage and remove elements of the business that were no longer serving us. After Stewarts stroke, I had to face the realisation that I would be unable to continue with our plans and needed to find an alternative premises. The financial implications have been frightening. He has always been the driving force in our businesses but with the closure of Salvage our income has gone and the overheads remain so the wind down has to be swift. We are selling off everything we can in order to keep our heads above water. It is time consuming and real hard work but the alternative would be to walk away and leave others to sort and that's not right.
The kids are hands on, Tara is like a warrior woman, working her socks off whilst Roary, who is one is in tow, He is adorable but into everything lol. I am also aware of the added stress placed on Jon as he deals with this alongside the scaffolding. He is doing an amazing job and will continue with the scaffolding as he sees fit. Stewart has stepped away as we need to make sure that he recovers and if he feels pressurised to go back, he will return too soon because that's him so the option is being removed.
Thank goodness we have such amazing friends & family with so many offering to set up a Go Fund Me page to help alleviate my stress. We are grafters and our situation is temporary so I am undecided as to whether to accept but with the added worries of two health scares (awaiting results) it is something I am considering. It feels like one thing after another is hitting us but I constantly look for positives and there are many. I know I need to rest but as with most carers that is not currently an option especially when your husband is self employed and we were duped out of our nest egg last year.
On a positive, I have found a new premises which are perfect.
Having looked at several places I was feeling a little disappointed and in all honesty, scared. Time is against us as we need to hit the Christmas trade and so I found myself giving a shopping list to the Universe.
It read as follows:
In wadebridge
several potential uses, preferably two 'units'
parking
reasonable rent
flexibility
Now if you know Wadebridge, you will know that's a tall order however the Universe kept waving a property in front of me. It isn't pretty so I had ruled it out but it kept coming up and then I realised I hadn't asked for pretty on my list so went to view it. As soon as the girls and I stepped in we smiled, we could see beyond its current state and the two floors couldn't be more different. First floor, 5 rooms perfect for what I need and downstairs, one open space. I could cry with relief, I can get my side of things up and running quite quickly and then if all goes well with Stewart and finances permit, we can start building that next year. There are some long days ahead in getting it sorted but it truly gives us something exciting to focus on.
Whatever happens moving forward, we will focus on the solutions not the problems because life is truly what you make of it. I never thought that we would be starting a fresh in our late 50's and it is hard understanding all that has happened, let alone explaining it to others but suffice to say a chain of events has resulted in catastrophic consequences of which I am having to navigate.